Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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