dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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