she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
