I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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