I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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