I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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