listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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