remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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