He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
