Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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