Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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