A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
