I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
