What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
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A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
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There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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