love makes seman taste better
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
