If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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