I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
