After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
