i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
