Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
how drunk are you?
Several
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
