I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
