the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
