too bad you live with your parents still
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
