Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
