I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
