Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
