I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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