maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
