Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
