Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
