How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I can't turn off my feet"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
