I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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