His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
