I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
