I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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