Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
