Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How naked do you want me to be?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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