I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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