before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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