through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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