Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.