hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
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Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls