I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...