I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea