This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement