The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED