Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
