No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
