There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
