he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
