So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
