I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
