why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
