I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
