imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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