She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
