So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
