You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
