i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
