return my video game
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
