I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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