Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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