East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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