His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
