I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
