I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
